I've never made an Off-Topic Advice Request

"RyanFrew" (ryanfrew) 12/15/2016 at 08:01 • Filed to: Dear Abby

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But I guess there’s no time like the present, right? Married or engaged Oppos, how did you know it was time to close? Those who ended a long-term relationship, why?

My relationship seems perfect. We don’t fight. She’s got a great family, great career, and is pretty great to me, also. We have been together for almost 6 years, but haven’t been able to seal the deal because she’s been in medical school. That time is looming, though, and I’m afraid that something is missing. I really enjoy talking to other girls and I’m afraid that I like it a little too much. I’m afraid of the commitment and the realization that the surprises in life will grow less frequent. I don’t want things to get stale. I wish I met Katie 4 years later than I did, or was going to meet her soon. I went from college to earning more than $150k/yr, 2 years later, and now I very selfishly (sorry), kind of feel like I want to enjoy that freedom that my income could offer, and that I’m getting tied down. Am I just a dickhead? Or is there something more here?

Thoughts? Advice? 991 Targa?

Ready for an adventure! > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 08:08

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I have three 20 something sons. This is advice I found for them that I am saving and expect to use it when the time comes...not my original, stolen from the interwebs...

The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you . You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them ? Who do you want to influence them ? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

I hope it helps. If not, you are probably not ready.

LongbowMkII > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 08:16

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That itch won’t get scratched if you get married.

Enjoy it with her, if you can’t enjoy your income with her then you’ve got an answer.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 08:21

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Lol, yeah, you’re kind of being a dick head, but that’s okay. Just remember, there’s two people involved in this decision, and soon she will be making bank too, and she may feel the way you do as well and decide she’s done with you. By now you should know if she’s the one for you. If she is, then lock it down, if not, then cut her loose and move on. Pretty simple.

I came off a long dating relationship, similar to what you have, but I knew she wasn’t the one for me, so we ended things and I met my Wife. We dated for 3 months or so before we both knew we were perfect for each other. We got engaged and married less than a year into our relationship and we’ve been married over 10 years now. So when you know, you know. If you’re worried about giving up the playing the field aspect, don’t be. That shit gets old real quick. Married life is different, but I’d argue all day long, that it’s much better, assuming you have the right partner.

Just remember, you’re not perfect either, and she may be having the same thoughts as you. If you have yourself a good woman, get the girl a ring. You can always wait to marry her till she is done with school, but screw that, if you’re going to do it, just do it and get on with your life together. You’ll both be better for it.

Comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 08:23

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To pull out a couple lines:

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

The first one is marriage friendly. The second one is dating friendly. Marriage is different than dating. A totally different world. A lot of people go into marriage thinking that it’s the next step of dating. In some ways, we’ve set it up kind of that way, you date, you become exclusive, you begin to mingle your lives completely...but yet, marriage, at least as I define it, is very different in a crucial way. It is (for me) a life long partnership. I’ve been married for 12 years, and we dated for 9 before that, much like you, college and ‘life stuff’ got in the way of it happening sooner. We also broke up a couple of times in the early years, mainly because I too, was concerned that I was missing out on the dating life, and looking for something a little more ‘exciting’. My wife was always a great wife candidate, she’s pretty, but not a model...she’s funny, loving, caring, dependable, etc. But she was never the crazy sexbomb that a college aged man longs for.

Here’s the thing, today I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t lose her when I was being selfish in wanting more. Are there things I sometimes wish were different? Sure, I wish she was more confident in her beauty (she hides under clothes a lot), and other things I won’t share here, and do I see a stunning woman and think “man, I wonder what that’d be like?” Sure, I do, but then I see other things that make me realize there’s no one that I’d rather have with me as a lifelong partner, and no one that I’d rather have as the mother of my 2 awesome boys. I ‘knew she was the one’ when I realized that I was more interested in having a life long partner than the ‘next best thing’ I was chasing.

I’m not going to tell you that you should marry this woman, but I will tell you that you have to decide what you want. The idea of having relationships with other women when the urge strikes you, or a life long partnership. I’d choose the second without question, but there are more and more that are okay with being alone for times in order to be able to have more experiences with other people. If you want the first, you have to accept giving up the second. That’s a tradeoff, that with the woman I have in my life, is a no brainer to me. It kind of sounds like you admit that your GF is that person, but it’s whether you want that. Sure, now you would maybe like to try other things, but if I would have lost my wife when I was wanting to ‘play the field’, I wouldn’t have ended up with as good of one as I lost, I’m convinced of that. We’re different, but in a complimentary way, and ways where our strengths play into the other’s weaknesses.

Rambling now, so I’ll stop, but will respond if you have specific questions.

DipodomysDeserti > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 08:26

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Definitely do not get married. Getting married when you still have that mentality would be the dickhead move. If you feel being in a more serious relationship would be a detriment to your freedom, then don’t do it. I’ve been married for eight years to someone I’ve been in a relationship with for half my life. Our relationship has never affected my freedom. Neither of us had any money when we first met and our families both have some serious issues, but we hustled, built our own life, and have enjoyed the world together. If you feel your relationship is tying you down, then it’s definitely something you don’t want to make a serious commitment to. Also keep in mind that I’m a stranger on the internet and your girlfriend would probably be pretty pissed at you if she read this thread.

Tristan > Ready for an adventure! 12/15/2016 at 08:42

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I wish I could give this 10 stars.

RyanFrew > Ready for an adventure! 12/15/2016 at 08:46

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This is awesome. Thanks. Long drive ahead of me today and I’m going to be chewing on this.

AdverseMartyr > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 09:00

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I’ve asked a number of questions, but I don’t want an answer. Maybe you have asked yourself (or been asked all these) already, but sometimes reflection helps

I’m a little bit curious about your personality? Are you the type of person who takes risks? or do you wait and make sure that you have minimized the risk until you think there is none?
(I’m going to guess that you two aren’t denying yourselves anything because you think it only belongs in marriage, because I (personally) can’t see how a relationship could go 6 years without getting married (unless both parties are asexual, then ok, maybe))

What will change for the two of you if you do get married? - finally living in the same home? really, truly monogamous?

Does your worldview actually consider marriage to be truly valuable? Or is it a box you feel you need to check off at some point? How about her worldview? If things work for you both as is, and marriage is something you are considering for appearances, why burden yourself?

Most importantly though: If you decide to stay single and end things with her because you feel your freedom is more important, can you live without her in your life?

I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum: my wife and I knew each other for two years before we got married, became close friends after the first year of knowing each other and started talking about marriage as soon as we started talking about how maybe all those afternoon coffee runs were more dates than just talking.

I knew I couldn’t not have her in my life, almost as much as I wanted her in my life. I couldn’t see swapping in any other woman into that place she occupied. We’ve been married for eight years, and I don’t regret at all foregoing opportunities to talk to other women even though I greatly enjoyed interacting with them. I just focus that onto her instead.

Mercedes Streeter > Ready for an adventure! 12/15/2016 at 09:11

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I have but 1 star to give. Of course, for modern times the kid part might be a little hard. I can’t naturally have a child anymore. Nor can my girlfriend. :(

RyanFrew > DipodomysDeserti 12/15/2016 at 09:22

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Thanks. The girlfriend wouldn’t like reading this thread, but I’ve at least been honest with her about the fact that I’m panicking and she’s been remarkably understanding so far. There’s definitely and end to that rope, though.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 09:24

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The fact that you’re asking this question is the all the answer. Associating marriage with a lack of “freedom,” admitting you enjoy (and do) flurt with other women...

Save this woman and yourself a lot of trouble, and walk away. She deserves to not be strung along.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > DipodomysDeserti 12/15/2016 at 09:29

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The money thing is just a weird thing to note to begin with. “Now that I make lot of money [.... (-_-)....] I don’t want to be tied down.” When my wife and I got engaged, we had no money. I mean no money. When we started dating, we were living paycheck to paycheck — what little of it there was. Yadda yadda yadda I make “adult” money now, years later, but I don’t look at my now-wife and resent the idea of investing in our future together. That’s just backwards thinking if you love someone...

RyanFrew > AdverseMartyr 12/15/2016 at 09:30

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Thanks, man. This is good stuff to think about. These responses have been unreal so far. Never seen this side of Oppo. Had to comment on the “asexual” part because it cracked me up. We started dating in undergrad. Then, she couldn’t attend med school in the city I live in, and I couldn’t do my job, nor find a better or equal one, in her city. Plus, she wants to live here after school, so we agreed I should stay, and we didn’t want to be married in different cities.

Plus, we’re both asexual.

RyanFrew > LongbowMkII 12/15/2016 at 09:32

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That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. The “with her” part of the income equation. Because she’s in med school, she has no money at all (for now) and limited time, which puts constraints on what I could do under alternative circumstances. I think that part of the solution, for now, might be doing some of the traveling that I want to do, etc., without her, but not being a dickhead when I do those things.

RyanFrew > Comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer 12/15/2016 at 09:33

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Awesome advice, man. Thanks. There is a ton of good stuff to think about it in this thread. Blowing my mind haha

RyanFrew > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/15/2016 at 09:36

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Blunt response. I dig it, thanks. She’s not going to get strung along, that’s for sure. We’ve been communicative about the timeline that we’re both expecting, and if I don’t feel like that’s going to work, I wouldn’t make her sit idly by. I’ve also let her know about a lot of the stuff that I’m freaking out about. Is associating marriage with a lack of freedom and enjoying flirting with other women really that uncommon for a 25 year-old, even with a relationship? I don’t think it’s a total crime...just need to figure that shit out before getting engaged, if we get engaged. But maybe you’ll disagree.

KeedyT > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 09:37

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As someone divorced twice I would urge you to consider honestly what you want out of life. Marriage isn’t hard, it is not boring, it is what you make it out to be. Divorce IS hard, and orders of magnitude harder if you have produced offspring.

RyanFrew > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc 12/15/2016 at 09:38

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Most of my close friends are close with Katie also, and you just did a hell of a job summarizing their feelings, in general. Love the point about me not being perfect. The grass is always greener, right? Been trying to remind myself that being single probably won’t be as rewarding as I’ve envisioned it in the past, largely because I’m not God’s gift to Earth or anything like that ha

Mercedes Streeter > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 09:39

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From a girl’s perspective? I’d say don’t marry her. If you like seeing/talking to other girls, afraid of committing, and don’t want to hitch your wagon (income) to another human being (who also has a choice in this, btw) you’re honestly not in the marriage mindset. Tbh, it sounds like you’d be a better fit for being a Bachelor and dating some more, if not having an open relationship.

But again, it’s also her choice too. Remember that relationships (and especially marriage) is a two-way street. I’m not marrying Miss Tesla until I have all my financials straight and she has whatever she has in her life straightened out and we’re both ready to open a new chapter in life, together...forever.

DipodomysDeserti > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/15/2016 at 09:44

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Exactly. If you love someone you don’t even think about money. That’s kind of what I was trying to get at. My wife and I both hustle and make good money, but we do so in order to enjoy life, not to have money. If the money went away we’d still enjoy life together. All we really need is a good pair of boots and few backpacks. If anything, having more money just pulled us away from what we really enjoyed. We’ve been refocusing on what makes us truly happy over the past year, and we plan on making less money and being more content in the future. You can always make more money, but we have a finite amount of time on this wonderful world of ours.

Comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 09:51

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Seeing some of the responses, I wanted to add...not sure of your spiritual leanings, but something from my faith, with regard to your feeling ‘dickish’ about being tempted to play the field...to be tempted is not wrong, it’s natural, it’s expected...we’re men (or women)...physical attraction has a created (or evolved, depending on your leanings) reason for it. Even the most pious man will have those urges, it’s what you do with it. So even if you have the feelings of wondering what it’d be like to be out playing the field, that, in and of itself, is not wrong. Now, if you get married, or continue your relationship and try to act on those while doing that, yep, that’s wrong.

I guess, I wouldn’t get down on yourself for having the feelings, if you’re at a point where you’re considering making that next step, it’s expected that a part of you would start to wonder ‘what if’. I’d almost say that if someone said they never had those thoughts, I’d answer with “congratulations, but I don’t believe you”.

The “don’t get married for you” stuff is also good. To do a life long partnership, a mutually sacrificial relationship is sometimes required.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 09:56

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Sounds like you know what you should do, and it also sounds like you have good friends. And yes the grass does always seem greener, but I find that not to be the case the older I get. As for the thought of things getting stale, you just have to work at keeping things fresh... and once you bring kids into the mix, you don’t have to worry about stale ;). They will keep everything interesting. As I get older I look for peace and contentment. If you get to that place, you’re doing good. It’s funny how little I miss the things I thought I was giving up to be a married father. I’ve got a great Wife and awesome kids, I can’t ask for anything more.

Heed your friends advice, sounds like they are good folks. I wish you well.

Oh yeah, and if you do eventually do the marriage thing, just remember it’s just a day, and at the end of it, the result is the same, so don’t sweat the details, just show up on time and look pretty.

RyanFrew > Comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer 12/15/2016 at 09:58

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Thanks. I agree and it’s something I’ve been considering a lot. The instance that led to kind of a breaking point in me confessing to her that I was freaking out and needed to solve some things, was going on a long business trip in which a striking amount of attendees were cheating on their spouses. It disgusted me, and I don’t ever want to be that guy. Getting to the bottom of why they resent their spouse, thought that was okay, and so on, is something I need to explore now to ensure that I never put either of us in that position.

smobgirl > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 10:18

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It’s hard to interpret things on the internet, so forgive me if I’m way off here. I feel like from what I’ve been reading that you aren’t seeing your relationship as a partnership even now, but as two separate people in two separate situations, and I feel like if you’ve been together as long as you have that it isn’t really a great sign for going forward. On the other hand, I think the “us first, me second” thought process comes easier to some than others, and maybe it’s worth speaking to a professional before you make a decision based on the opinion of a bunch of random folks online :) Pre-marital counseling is a thing for a reason and I think it would be really helpful in your situation. Best of luck with everything!

TysMagic > Comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer 12/15/2016 at 10:22

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this is not related to the situation at hand, but I’m very happy with the woman I married. She is the best partner for me that I could imagine. I’m 2 years and a couple months in to our marriage and the things you are saying are making me feel so right and solid in the life we have chosen so far.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 10:25

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“We don’t fight.

She’s got a great family

+ great career

+ pretty great to me

We have been together for almost 6 years”

Are you in love with her?

RyanFrew > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 12/15/2016 at 11:03

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Damn. It’s never even occurred to me to think about that. This car ride just got a lot tougher. Thanks for the thoughtfulness - that’s a heavy question. I definitely love her. But is it in the right way and is it enough?

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 11:05

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I’m not going to extrapolate too much about you on a single post on a personal level; what matters is that you legitimately don’t want to commit to her on another level, which is just fine. With that in mind, it’s time to end it.

yamahog > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 11:22

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Engaged since this May (25 at the time), and coming from a family with tons of divorces, and here’s my two cents.

One shouldn’t get married for the sake of “that’s what comes next,” or “well, good enough, time to settle, all our friends are doing it too” or even “well I want x amount of kids y years apart and want them out of the house by the time I’m Z years old, so let’s get a move on” (yes, I knew a guy like that). You get married because you love someone so much that whenever you envision your future, you can’t imagine it without them, and they feel the same way. As a wise commenter said earlier, it’s not just about you either. It’s about making a future together that you both love.

Also, time is not looming. A lot of forces try to push you into the default timeline, but you don’t have to follow it. And if you are.... College would’ve been the perfect time to enjoy “freedom.”

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 11:26

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If you love her as much as a close friend or as a sister, and not as the second half of yourself and someone you want to be next to all the time, it should give you pause. You mentioned that you’re both asexual in another comment. It may be the case, for the two of you, that having a very, very close friend/partner/confidante is what you’re looking for in a marriage, not necessarily a lover. If so, and you both know that about each other going in, she might be the perfect person for you as you may be for her.

What brought you two together in the first place?

vicali > Ready for an adventure! 12/15/2016 at 11:32

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All of them..

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Ready for an adventure! 12/15/2016 at 11:42

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I’ve just saved this to share with my children one day, too. Thanks.

Comes over to help work on your car and only drinks beer > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/15/2016 at 12:06

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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

TIL: Zoidberg is in the pron industry.

RyanFrew > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 12/15/2016 at 12:12

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Asexual thing was total sarcasm in response to the other guy. Unfortunately, sarcasm sucks on the Internet’s. Thats not an issue at all, thankfully. We were attracted to each other as soon as we met and were looking for the same things and enjoyed each other’s company, which is plenty to bring a couple of 19 year olds together. And then we just never stopped. But we’ve both grown up a lot in 6 years and I’m wondering if we haven’t grown more like friends at some point

Manny05x > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 13:15

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Just ask yourself are you ready to be a family man? If she is so great dont pass up good girls are hard to comeby.

Asshole meet wants to say 150k a year slay all the pussy then settle down but this girl might not be there waiting.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 13:57

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Man, I was wondering! Haha... I’m sure there are some people like that, and I was trying not to be judgmental if that was really the case.

Relationships definitely change with time, but if you still lust after her and can’t imagine your life without her, as well as always enjoying being with her and having conversations with her, that should tell you what you need to know.

Lekker > RyanFrew 12/15/2016 at 17:00

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I was married for 5 years to the woman I met when I was 19. Ironically she was also going to med school, and I moved to get a good job to help pay for it as soon as I finished my degree. But it was that which wasn’t said, what made me realize it was time. She longed going out and being more social with other people, more than she wanted to admit. Same as me, but I saw it as a normal thing. After 5 or so years I realized what we were doing was great, but it had come to just a really good friendship. And she agreed. I called her one night (I had been living across the country a little over a year by then), and we agreed to just take a little time to think about what we really wanted. Or who. A month later I texted her asking how she was doing, and she was swell, as was I. That was all it had taken to realize what we really had was a fantastic friendship, which helped us endure many tough moments we wouldn’t have otherwise easily gotten over, but with each other’s help it became a breeze. And we left it at that. Sure, since we had a house and cars in both names it was a lot more complex than that but it was civil, friendly. To this date I still ask her how she is once or twice a year, and communicate when we need legal paperwork for taxes or otherwise. Instead of focusing on the bad, we realized that we had an amazing time together and we were both better for it.

Hell.. one drunken night I was texting her we both said if we had the chance to do it over again, we would in heartbeat. Not everything that ends is bad, it just means a new beginning, but this time with more knowledge and wisdom. I suggest talking to her straight on, no bullshit, no lies. But not rude. Just express your concerns, and mention you’re not sure about where things are headed and you’re enjoying being more outgoing. Meeting people. If she’s got her head on her shoulders she will most likely understand or at least try to work things out. Best advice I can give is talk to her, with real words and emotions. Hope this helps.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > RyanFrew 01/09/2017 at 19:55

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Here’s another question: If you end it, what are you going to feel when you see her 6 months later with another great guy? If you’re a great guy with a great job (the best.....fantastic job....etc.), chances are she won’t have trouble attracting attention at all, if you get my drift.

I feel like about half of these stories turn out to be something along the lines of “the one that got away.” Consider that you probably don’t want to be that guy—otherwise, lots of good opinions here so far and food for [your] thought.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Ready for an adventure! 01/09/2017 at 19:56

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Damn. You win.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 01/09/2017 at 19:58

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This was surprisingly cutting.

It’s important to remember that the people around us helped to make us who we are today.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Mercedes Streeter 01/09/2017 at 20:04

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This is true, but it’s very common for men to experience cold feet right before marriage. That doesn’t mean they are not marriage material—many guys only get this feeling when the commitment is imminent.

So one way of looking at it is, an otherwise great guy could possibly never get married because he keeps getting cold feet after each long, happy, loyal relationship with a well-matched partner. How he manages and addresses that feeling is important for his own good.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > RyanFrew 01/09/2017 at 20:11

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Also, all these serious responses and not a single mention of what that Targa top is doing? Come on...

B_dol > RyanFrew 01/09/2017 at 20:12

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Let me impart a few pieces of wisdom

1. The measure of a good relationship is not necessarily the absence of conflict or discord - it’s how you work through those situations.

2. Smart, engaging and attractive women (who put up with you) are rare

3. The timing of many things in your life is not going to align perfectly. I met my wife while I was still young, partied and split and made many mistakes. Meeting her 3 years later would have saved a lot of frustration for both of us, we also would never likely have met later in life.

4. Does she support you, challenge you and make you a better person. IE - are you a better person for being with her.

5.Take a trip with her to clear your head of all the other BS. Bottom line, a weekend getaway should be enjoyable and clear your head - if it doesn’t, maybe there are other issues.

FWIW: I’m recently married, in my late 20s and my wife is very smart and has a very successful career. I almost blew it too many times to count by overthinking things.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Manny05x 01/09/2017 at 20:17

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Yup, the entitled mindset would be to expect her to be there waiting for you when “partying” is all played out 5 years later. If she’s a catch, that ain’t gonna happen.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > KeedyT 01/09/2017 at 20:18

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Yeah, the nice thing about marriage is that you and your partner get to decide what it means.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever 01/09/2017 at 20:29

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Ahhh, crap. Just noticed that I clicked all the way here from 3 weeks in the future. Hope you’ve been able to make some progress in sorting out your situation. Cheers!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RyanFrew 01/30/2017 at 14:01

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Update on this? If you’ve decided you are going to marry her, probably best to delete this old post - ha!

RyanFrew > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/30/2017 at 14:09

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Broke up. It sucked. It still sucks. But the high level is that I’ve only been on my own for about a year of my entire life. And we both need some of that time. The thought of us not getting back together down the road makes me feel sick. But for now, we’re doing our own thing, respectively.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RyanFrew 01/30/2017 at 15:16

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Hope the time apart gives you both the clarity you need.

My sister broke it off with her very serious boyfriend in college; they ended up back together and are now married with three boys.

If that “sickness” you’re feeling doesn’t subside, I wouldn’t let enough time go by for another guy to convince her that you’re not the one she’s supposed to end up with.

RyanFrew > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/30/2017 at 15:18

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Thanks, man! I don’t expect her to wait around so the thought of someone else coming along is a scary prospect. For now, though, if I can’t get fully committed and excited about our relationship, I don’t think I should be in it. Not fair to her. But here’s hoping that this story ends up like your sister’s.